Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
