It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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