garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just had sex bonerless
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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