Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
