she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
