she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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