Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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