i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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