I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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