Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
