im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
