I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's never too late to be topless.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
