What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
