We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
