Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
