hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
