Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
