We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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