we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
