My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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