i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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