there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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