I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
