Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
