I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
