She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
