I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
