The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
