i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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