Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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