i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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