I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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