After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Randomize
