The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
