She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
