Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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