i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
