She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
