If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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