Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
