He asked to "fluff my boner.."
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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