Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
