his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Welp...herpes.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
