I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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