Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
