my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
