youre lurking in front of me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
