I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
