I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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