I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
