What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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