bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
