i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
